Tales From The Server Room

There are strange things done amid the grinding hum of the machines in the server room.

There are many a fright on a sleepless night in that land of doom and gloom.

The unlabeled cables, those disarming alarms, red lights are blinking and no time for thinking,

Oh the troubles you’ll shoot amid the endless reboots, in the shadow of the server room.

In order to properly appreciate the complexities of the activities that take place in the server room we must first set the stage so people who have never been there can get the right feel for the atmosphere in such a place.

The server room is noisy. The noise is bad enough to consider using ear protection but that would imply a commitment to staying for a long time and it's always better to get in and out as fast as possible. There are big headphone style noise-suppressors that feel heavy and clumsy and make it even harder for a big guy to slither around behind the racks. There are little foam-rubber ear-pugs that are irritating and unsanitary. In all cases the little relief from too much noise does not justify the loss of actual hearing for the sounds you do want to hear; the cell phone (notwithstanding vibrate mode), the rare visitor (usually site manager) trying to get your attention, or any of the many equipment alarms that might go off.

The server room is cold. I have a sweater on the back of the tall tan rolling swivel chair but I don't always put in on as the first order of business for the same reason as the noise suppression; I don't want to be in there that long. On a hot summer day it is nice to go there just for a blast of cold air. I tend to sweat like a dog with just the slightest amount of effort so I end up in there to cool off all year long.

The server room is scary. That's where all the bad things happen. All the scariest things are in there. There have been hours with the sweater and earplugs left in even when I leave the server room because I know I am going right back in there very soon. There are dangerous electrical circuit panels and distribution cabinets. Two HVAC units the size of $29 U-haul truck and one transformer that raises your hair in the air in a 20 foot radius. The HVAC units take turns vibrating the floor like a constant 2.0- earthquake.

Going into the server room is like going under water. The temptation to hold my breath is soon replaced by an urge to get out again. Sometimes it feels like a full blown panic attack and it is small wonder that some people can't handle it. My best defence is to use my old railroad tactics to tolerate this fear. What is the worse that can happen? What will we do then? Just having a plan is a big part of the relief and just knowing we've survived similar things helps a lot too but the single best tension reducer is using the word "we" instead of "I" even though you are still alone in the server room.

Some people like to call their server room the Data Center, but it’s still just a server room. You can call it a closet or a gymnasium but if there are servers in there it can only be a server room.