Stupid Railroad Sayings

My favorite Stupid Railroad saying is "Keep Your Own Kitchen Clean". This is like minding your own business but even better because it implied a specific task to be completed. It wasn't all rhetorical since kitchens and the duties therein are common topics when traveling workers have to share accommodations . On the actual jobsite it usually meant to stay out of my work area and don't try to make me look bad.

The first Stupid Railroad Saying I ran into on my first day was carved into a wooden plague over the Roadmaster's office door. The writing was ironically comic text that stated "One Thousand 'Atta Boys!' can be wiped out with one 'Oh Shit!'" The plaque included an animated picture of a worker with exclamation points around his head implying he must have done an 'Oh Shit'.

Once one boss would come up with a noteworthy saying it would spread among the other gangs as did this gem, "I'm Trying To Accomplish Something Here and You're Getting In the Way". This saying was soon abbreviated into the first half only which can still imply the second half if properly delivered with a loud voice and a visual glare.

One of the famous sayings was originated when one of the guys mistakenly used the phrase "Put Attention" instead of "Pay Attention" and everyone jumped on board. After a few years even the Superintendent was known to use that translation. If you think about it, it makes more sense to put instead of pay, no one wants to pay for anything.

Some sayings were not original Railroad material but were used so often and scratched into all the tunnels and bridges so they deserve inclusion here as well. "If we were to put everyone's troubles in a pile to be divided equally, most people would be happy to keep their own". Now if it was money, that might be different. Another well used but not exactly Railroad related example, "It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool that to speak up and remove all doubt". You can safely write this one but if you say it out loud then you become the story.

Here is the Stupidest Railroad Saying of all, "I was looking for a job when I found this one". We think it wanted to be like that song Take This Job and Shove It, but ended up sounding more lame than lament. Another stupid habit was using the various track parts and maintenance tasks as double entendres like Beavis and Butthead might do. "Loose Nuts" ha ha…"High Spikes" he he... "Low Joints" yuk yuk… "Tampin' Ties" and on it went…

An alternate branch of the stupidity revolved around the endless safety programs. One worker offered up this addition to the Safety Rules, "If you want - to protect your back. Stay away - from the Railroad Track". He was a truck driver and did a good job of just that. If an injured worker received a monetary payoff they were said to have "Hit the Railroad Lotto!"

I hope all these stupid sayings don't land up in your brain the way they have in mine, but just remember the next time you are trying to accomplish something be sure to put attention and keep your own kitchen clean.