They make dogs look the fool.
Cats all rock, that’s the facts
Yeah they rule, just ask the rats.
Meet Cat King Cool, He’s nobody’s fool
He loves his snacks, and sometimes hacks
He’s the cat who’s king, he’s the number one thing,
He’s the coolest cat; Cat King Cool
When the new kitten started jumping on the laptop keyboard it was cute so I learned to lock the keyboard just in time so he could lay there and soak up the warmth from above and below. As he got older he would sneak up there when I was away but before the screen saver could kick in and he would end up typing on an open computer. The first few time it was just nonsense in a word doc or a folder of files or email deleted here or there but nothing too alarming compared to his cute companionship. Then one time I come to find a string of gibberish in the run command dialogue box and instead of hitting cancel I went ahead and hit enter when to my surprise it brought up an Easter egg showing a little movie with the software writers having a party. That is the kind of secret cookie that only programmers and hackers can find. I wrote it off as an anomaly and let it go for another few months while the cat did nothing more serious than opening 7000 instances of Free-Cell.
Well that got me to thinking about that old adage where a bunch monkeys could write every book in the world if you just gave them enough time, typewriters and bananas. As a kid I doubted they could even write Dick & Jane after a billion years but I had a lot of fun imagining all those monkeys and typewriters and bananas. The logistics would be incredible, just changing the typewriter ribbons would be a full time job for a large number of skilled technicians.
So I figured that old theory could be updated with computers and cats taking the place of the typewriters and monkeys. I felt we had a great chance for success based on my recent cat computing experiences. It was a noble experiment in animal behavior and I let that cat start out simple with harmless attempts at original works of art but he only wanted to run e-Bay scams and Twitter gaming cons, and the next thing I know he's running a Face Book impersonation that soon evolved into full fledged malware attacks.
It wasn’t long after that I get a call from the FCC saying I have been sending suspicious emails to Asia and it better stop soon or else. I checked and sure enough there in my outbox are a handful of cat scratch emails at times that match the recent kitty hacking activity. I know I should have turned off the computer or at least made some other effort at a failsafe workaround to prevent future incidents, but as a scientific observer I couldn't resist finding out what he would do next. There was a higher purpose at work here.
The last straw was waking up to find $6,000,000 in the checking account with an entry calling it Nigerian Lottery Winnings. Before I could even start celebrating the door was broken down by armed thugs that either work for the government or some evil mad scientist but I was too busy hiding my other paraphernalia to notice what they were doing and by the time I got back from flushing in the bathroom they were all gone including my cat and the computer. And the $6 million dollars… Sure I miss the money but man I really miss that cat.
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