The Expanding Innerverse

By now most everyone has heard the theory of the expanding universe and while that is a good start toward finally understanding how things work, it turns out the poor scientists are missing the rest of the story and thankfully they have yours truly to reveal the truth at last. Fortunately I am not restrained by the scientific method and am free to use science fiction in proving my theories. Hollywood notwithstanding, here is my latest discovery. It's not just the universe that is expanding but also everything in it, including us human beings right on down to the distance between the electrons and the protons in all our various atoms.

Pause to think; of course it must be true everywhere, how can it only be true in outer space? If we were to stay the same size here on Earth while the rest of the cosmos continues to grow then the distant stars would disappear in a day or two. The fact is we are almost keeping up with the rest of the universe in the expansion process, they just got a big head start on the project.

It is also quaint for us to think we are in charge of everything and that we are somehow exempt from the laws that apply to all the rest of the particles. Just as we once thought our planet was the center of our solar system we are just as naïve to think we can see our expanding universe all the way back to the beginning of time. The further out in space we look is supposed to be further back in time until we finally see the big bang but then wouldn’t things be getting closer together instead of further apart? The only way to see the big bang is by looking inward, not outward, so what we think is looking back in time out in deep space is actually looking ahead.

There never was a big bang in the past, that is just an optical illusion of what is yet to come. It’s quite a shame we don't understand our own inner universe as well as we do the outer one. If there really is a bang that big it would obviously represent the END of the universe not the beginning. We are spinning headlong into space toward the breaking point where our molecules are finally stretched to the limit and we all snap apart into our individual bits and pieces which will look exactly like the beginning of something big and bangy. So we have that to look forward to, unless of course, once again; I could be wrong.

No Way To Run A Government

One of the curious aspects of working on the Railroad was the one of a kind Retirement system . Anyone who works longer than 10 years for any Railroad qualifies for Railroad Retirement which is completely separate from Social Security. Any workers who also had jobs that fall under Social Security are subject to a two tiered formula for calculating just how much the retiree will receive from the two different pension funds.

You might wonder why it is so complicated and root cause goes back to the early 1900's when the US government went looking for a good model to copy while creating a retirement system for the whole country that later became Social Security. Talk about government intrusions, they were trying to force people to be comfortable in their old age.

The Railroad retirement system already had so much money they were able to loan money to the Government system in the 1930's when times got tough and therein lies the beginning of the two tier payback formula.

It wasn't the first time our Government looked to the Railroad Carriers for a template on how to do business. They also copied the Railroad Labor act of 1926 as the model of how to treat the average employee. Back then they weren't considered Union workers, they were just called Government workers, but they were still better off than the average Union worker.

Talk about the US Congress butting into other folks business, they actually passed a law forcing the Carriers to provide certain basic benefits to employees. And what was the very first and foremost of these requirements? Water. It literally took an act of Congress to prove to the world that the workers deserved to have some water to drink.

Later on the demands evolved into more luxurious items such as better wages, overtime, and even paid time off so pretty soon all the workers turned into a bunch of lazy no goods, in the eye of the Company. Sure some workers have a good deal and some few have set a bad example but they are are not all crooks.

So the next time it seems like some union worker is asking for too much then please help decide just how much is too little. Do they at least get some water?

Off to work I go

Every morning before I head out the door on my way to work I have to sing a little song to make sure I remember all my required accoutrements. It goes like this: “Keys, Watch, Wallet, Work-ID, Cell Phone, Blue-tooth, Glasses and Briefcase”. There is no specific tune for the song other than a monotonous la-dee-da-dee-daw… the whole point being to mark the items off the checklist.

This habit came about as the result of many years of forgetfulness and even though I live only a few minutes away from work it still ruins the day when I forget. Every time I ever start to fall out of the habit of singing this little reminder I find myself at work without one of the listed items and soon enough I am singing that same old tune again.

I must have always had a bad memory because I have always had a checklist before I left the house. As a kid all I needed was my pocket knife. Later I got a wallet and that started the first simple list: “Knife and Wallet”. When I got a car I added keys to the list. Then my first day on the Railroad I had to add a hard hat and lunch box: “Keys, Wallet, Knife, Hardhat and Lunchbox.”

When I first started working on the Railroad life was simple but every time I got promoted I had to add more stuff to the list. After I got to be a machine operator I had to get special Railroad approved watch and there was punishment for not having the watch. When I became a Foreman I had to carry a Timebox, a big heavy metal suitcase for protecting important papers along with the two-way Radio for calling the dispatcher. So then the song went: “Keys, Watch, Wallet, Lunchbox, Pocket Knife, Timebox, Hardhat, Radio.”

As the years went by the number of keys kept going up, the wallet got thicker with IOU’s instead of cash and the pocket knife kept getting upgraded every year to the latest Swiss Army version so even though I wasn’t adding any more items to the list, the list of items was still getting bigger none the less. Then I switched over to the Hi-Tech career path and the list started changing again. Here was the longest list of all back in the ‘90’s. “Keys, Watch, Wallet, Glasses, Work-ID, Doorcard, Radio, Pager, Pocket Knife, Cell Phone, Blue Tooth, Brief Case, Lunchbox.”

Then things started to reduce when the Doorcard got integrated into the Work-ID, the Pager went obsolete, the pocket knife morphed into a Penknife, the Radio was replaced by a cell-phone, the Timebox turned into a Briefcase and the watch was no longer needed with a smartphone around. The number of keys on the ring is going down and the wallet is lighter than ever these days.

Someday in my future the list will evolve back into a simple few things; wake up, look down, zip-up. In the end there will be nothing left on the list and no way to know if I forgot something.

Civil War Story – Chapter 4: Mustard

Someone stole my whiskey and cigars! These, my two dearest companions, alcohol and tobacco, now ripped from their safe hiding place in the back of my wagon. All this right under my very nose while I was arguing with the Colonel. My first reaction was to yell at the soldiers but that wouldn't help so I bit my tongue and waited to see just how mad I should get.

This was not the first robbery of my goods when less than a week before someone got away with my supply of mustard. I can barely stand to eat the corned beef and other rancid meat even with the mustard but without any makes me want the whiskey and cigars all the more again. That mustard came all the way from New Orleans and there won't be another batch in stock any time soon.

I couldn’t decide which I missed most, the whiskey, the cigars or the mustard. I had to go a few days with no whiskey or cigars the last time the military blocked our tracks and that was when I first started stocking it away at the depots. Going without drink and smoke can be irritating but going without my favorite food can be downright painful.

So I set a trap for my tormentor and sure enough on the fourth night he came again while I was hiding under a blanket behind the door. As soon as he crawled past me in the dark I pulled the hammer back on my pistol and lit a match at the same time both within inches of his head before he had time to gasp.

He was dressed in dirty brown canvas from his floppy hat clear to his shoes all the same material and condition. He didn't look like any soldier I had ever seen him before but I had the drop on him this time and figured I should let him have it and finally get my first kill.

In the last three days I had seen two cases of senseless killing that had transformed a murderer into a hero and I had assumed I could benefit by joining their club but now that the chance was here I couldn't remember why I felt that way.

I suddenly remembered killing my first deer with a gun at the age of 8 and how I missed my first shot but not my second. My hand was shaking now just as it had back then and I was starting to wonder if I would need two shots again when the culprit turned his head my way.

His eyes were looking back at me and I had a instant feeling as if I knew him. I didn't know his name and I had never seen his face before but I knew he was just like me had once killed his first deer and was now wondering if I would miss my first shot again.

That moment of hesitation turned into forever as I sat frozen watching him slowly back his way out of the wagon as he disappeared into the night. I argued with myself why I couldn’t kill and I argued back to myself that I work for the B&O Railroad and I am no soldier and it's OK that I can't kill. I had expected to brag and benefit from the proof of my killing prowess but instead I never did mention the episode to anyone.

Later on at Chancellorsville that same gun would have no trouble sending a fatal bullet that would find the Colonel without error and I would look back and wonder why it would not kill tonight.